Why is follow-through such an issue?

I make promises to myself, I set goals, I have good intentions, but sometimes my lack of follow-through is crippling.

I reassure myself with the anecdotal theory that it's my age. The last 14 years of my life have been somewhat rigidly structured with homework and school. Therefore, it must be only natural that I rebel against certain goals, even if I've set them for myself.

I do want to blog daily, but it's work, so I avoid it.

I reject the structure of deadlines, which manifests in unavoidable and unreasonable procrastination.

If gawking at Grand Central makes me a tourist, then so be it. As I entered the main terminal this morning, I felt like I had stepped into the great hall of Hogwarts. It lifted my spirits and my sour stomach. Grand Central is majestic, magical in a way that blows an air of adventure. It's another world, where food, travel, business and sheer architectural wonder, collide.

A bright conversation on the phone with a friend reminded me of the quote from a manuscript that I meant to mention long ago. It's about clarity, a woman says to a man:

"You know mostly I think that life is a terrible blur. But there are these moments of clarity when it all swims into focus and it's then that we need to act, because in these moments and by these moments perhaps we are defined."

I come across words that speak to my soul and others to my logic. This speaks to the latter. If only the moments of clarity were more frequent, they wouldn't be saturated by pressure. Sometimes moments of clarity are so intense, they're immobilizing, rendering them a blur just the same.

What do we do with our moments of clarity? Jot ideas down onto a notepad? Run around and

set about changing the world? Do some have more clarity than others, or are we all swimming in the same vortex of haze?

In my living room at home, my mom has hung great panels of butcher paper that she spray painted. The images are of trees and brush in a fast motion blur, meant to simulate passing something quickly as though in the window of a car or a train.

That's how life feels.

Yesterday was the final game of the 2010 World Cup. 4 years ago, I could hardly fathom that in 2010 I would be 19. Today, I wonder what life will be like when I'm 23. It feels like a blur, I wait for the clarity.